Are you in a toxic relationship? What causes a toxic relationship?
In this blog post, I will do my best to answer these questions.
I am a very strong believer of relationships. I know and I am so convinced that relationships were not meant to break or mare you and I. Relationships is God’s intention. Having a cordial relationship is a way God wants you and I to fulfil destiny and purpose.
Everyone on earth is connected to someone for a reason. There are people or friends or acquaintances that when you meet them, your life will never be the same again. This change can either be positive, or negative.
It is always up to you if you would want a total stranger to have such an impact on you. If you can be truthful to yourself, can you remember someone you didn’t really like but are now very good friends? On the other hand, you may meet someone and really love them and you end up hating them.
Look at the positive side of life.
I always like to look at the positive side of life, or a story. I have come to know that; this life has a lot of packages to render to you. It is always up to you to either accept the package, or you discard what ever package life gives you. No wonder there is a saying that, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
What is a toxic relationship?
Like I said above, everyone is intended to enjoy life to its fullest. Irrespective of who you are, you are meant to have a relationship of some sought. It could range from a mutual relationship, to an erotic relationship with your significant order, or even a mentor/mentee relationship.
A toxic relationship is a detrimental relationship to the people involved. For this definition, I will limit it only to a couple because you could be involved in a toxic relationship with your friends, family, and well-wishers.
This toxicity can range from so much jealousy, selfishness and self-centeredness, to a lot of possessiveness to the other partners or their partners belongings ranging from their finances, money, time, their body and a lot more, to manipulation especially by the use of words , rejection and all manner of abuse.
Who can be in a toxic relationship?
Anyone can be involved in an abusive relationship. The downside to being in an abusive relationship is that, irrespective of the pain afflicted on the oppressor, they always end up going to their abuser.
What causes a dysfunctional relationship?
Trauma from past environment.
When growing up, a lot of people see others being traumatized, and abused. For example, lets say ‘A’ may have grown up in an abusive home. His dad always hit mom. ‘A’ thinks that is the right thin to do. his brain is wired differently and he cannot act otherwise. Let us say B grew up being beaten, and ends up being traumatized. In their relationship, they will act according to their environment. It is worth noting that, not everyone will behave as such. Not everyone is a product of their environment. With that being said, it does not change the fact that, people react based on their environment.
The hurt and pain in you.
Like the examples above, some people have come a long way. You may be coming from a broken home, and you may have been molested, or been abused physically, or even in your past relationships. This can be one of the reasons your relationship may be toxic. If you do not heal properly, and give yourself some time to actually heal completely, you will find yourself being so aggressive, and maybe violent, or end up in a cycle of so much pain.
Know your squad or your gang.
This is very important. Know who you associate with. Know who is on your side. When you the person or people, you will better protect yourself, your vision, and your purpose.
- Take your time to know people. Do not rush into making friends with someone just because you desperately need some kind of friendship from people, or to have a sense of belonging.
- Pray to know who the people or person you want to be friends with is. Yes, prayers. God is always faithful. If you pray, God will give you direction or some sought of information about who the person is.
- You must watch out for repetitive patterns in them. Character is like a pregnancy. You can not hide it. Do not be blinded by this love of a thing. If you can watch for repetitive patterns, how they interact with other people and stuff, you will be saved, and make better decisions.
How to have a beautiful relationship.
Imperfection in you and others:
No one is perfect. Everyone has some sought of flaws. You do too. It will be unrealistic if you expect your spouse to be perfect in all their doings. Absolutely not. That does not happen with you.
Know your squad.
Know who you hang around with. This can make or mare your relationship. If a friend of yours abuses his or her partner, you may likely start abusing yours especially if they have strong will power over you.
Patience is a virtue. For your relationships to be successful, you must be patient with each other. Sometimes, you may just let things slide. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t see it. It means you have seen it, and that may not be the right time to address it. Be patient
Do not carry hurt from your past relationships to your present relationships.
Healing is very important after a terrible breakup. I know someone who had a bad breakup and before I knew it, that person was already in another one. I mean after a week after breaking up with your partner? Well, I am in no position to judge or say anything. And that relationship ended two weeks after that. I am telling you this story so that you will take your time to heal, and take your time to love again. Do not bring your hurt from the old relationship to the new one that you have.
You must have boundaries put in place.
I cannot over emphasize the importance of boundaries. If you cannot compromise lets say over your education, do not get into a relationship when you know your significant other wants you to not go to school. Do not get in with the hopes of changing them. That will never happen. I am not saying be rigid. There may be some trivial issues you could leave with. Set your boundaries about things you know you cannot condone. These things may range from big to the smallest things in life. Examples may include religion, education, your vison, clothing, finances, food and a lot more.
Make sure you watch for red flags and try your best, God helping you to run from toxic relationships.
Share this post to someone who may be in need of this information. If you need more articles about relationships, let me know.
I would like to know is you have ever been in a toxic relationship or if you know anyone in one.
Until next time
It is BELLA.